Faith and Insecurity

This is kind of the other side of the coin to my last post. Maybe it should have been first, I don't know.

I have taken probably two dozen different spiritual gifts tests over the years, studied spiritual gifts extensively, and even written my own test to try and address common shortcomings I saw in the standard approach to testing. So when I took another one a couple of months ago at my new church, I wasn't expecting to be surprised by the results or really to learn anything new.

Like so many other tests, the gift of Faith was one of my top-scoring items. And like so many times before, I dismissed the finding as being the result of a common (and in my mind, erroneous) testing methodology. After all, 1 Corinthians 12:7 (ESV) says that spiritual gifts are given for "the common good", and Ephesians 4:12 says they are also for "the training of the saints in the work of ministry" and "to build up the body of Christ".

That certainly hasn't been my response when I encounter a lack of faith in someone. I haven't tried to train others to have more trust in God, apart from what I consider just general encouragement from the Word, and I would be hard pressed to demonstrate that I have used my faith for the common good or for building up the body of Christ. My most common responses to people's unbelief, sad to say, have been either frustration or dismissal. Here recently I have graduated to trusting that God will show them in time, if He intends to. That's a little better.

But three things have happened over the last couple of months that God has used to grow my understanding. One, after taking this test, I shared (and promptly dismissed) the faith result with our ministry leader who trains people in the area of spiritual gifts. I shared the same line of reasoning with him as I outlined above, and when I said that I most often respond to people's lack of faith with frustration, he very quickly responded, "That's because you have the gift of Faith." I again dismissed what he said because I "knew" better. To his credit, he didn't argue the point further. Rather, the Holy Spirit went to work on me for a while, and I have been reminded of this leader's words at least a half dozen times in the last two months.

Two, I a have friend with whom I share a common understanding of and very solid belief in the total, absolute sovereignty of God. In fact, I always just assumed that that was where my unshakable faith and trust in God came from. Naturally, I expected him to have the same. But a few weeks after that spiritual gifts test and subsequent conversation above, my friend had a crisis of faith. I won't share the details publicly, but it traumatized him a great deal, and only now, several weeks later, is God starting to bring some real healing and understanding to his heart and mind. But the entire time he was going through it, as I would share from the Word to try and encourage him, try as I might, I really couldn't even begin to understand why he was reacting the way he was. I kept thinking in the back of my mind, "There it is in black and white (and sometimes red). Why don't you just trust what God says?"

Three, and finally, my pastor shared this video with the congregation this past Sunday:

It was a powerful message for me, but for different reasons than most people, I'm sure. I welcome the chiseling, sometimes even craving it. But his portrayal of the level of insecurity, doubt, and feelings of low self-worth that most believers apparently struggle with to some degree brought me to tears. I can't imagine having to deal with even the smallest level of something like that. After church Sunday, I said to my wife, "I really have no concept of just how insecure most people are", to which she replied "No, you don't."

As I continued to replay this video in my mind and see and hear this man's anguish, in my mind I cried out to God, "Why? Why would You do this to people? How do people even get out of bed in the morning if deep down that's how they really feel?" As gently and firmly as His counterpart in the video above, God brought this word to my mind:

My grace is sufficient for them, for My power is made perfect in their weakness.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

I am beginning to understand that my faith is a gift in *every* sense of the word. Not just that I have been rescued from sin and death, as if that weren't miraculous enough, but that I have also been spared the loneliness, fear, and self-doubt that plague so many. And to borrow a phrase from Stan Lee, I am also beginning to realize that with great faith comes great responsibility. I don't know yet what that will look like, but I trust that God will reveal it to me in His perfect timing.

God, forgive me for taking for granted the special measure of faith
You have given me. By Your Holy Spirit, teach me to harness this faith to build up
my brothers and sisters for their good, to prepare them for the work of ministry,

and most of all for bringing glory to Your Name.

How do you measure growth?

5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, 6 knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, 7 godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-8

My wife does raised-bed gardening in some cedar boxes I built for her. This year we are trying three such boxes with a variety of vegetables. She is a bit of a tomato aficionado, so we have a couple of different varieties planted, though not as many as last year. She got the last of her plants in the ground recently, so now it is just water and wait.

The end goal of planting these tomato plants is red, juicy fruit that she can enjoy. It has been just a few days since the tiny plants were planted, so they obviously aren't there yet. But every day I come home from work, I can see subtle changes in her garden: a new flower here, a new shoot there. I swear the beans are growing like an inch a day.

Imagine if I were to go home today and say to my wife, "Well, looks like you failed with your tomato plants. We don't have tomatoes." Just a few days after she had them planted, she'd likely look at me like I was crazy, and rightfully so. Producing fruit take time. Just because they don't measure up to the standard today doesn't mean there hasn't been progress, and whether or not they eventually produce tomatoes is entirely up to God.

We all recognize how ridiculous it would be to demand full-grown tomatoes from a newly-planted seedling, and yet so many times an exhortation to growth on my part has been received as a demand for perfection on their part. As I wrote a few posts ago, a pastor I know asked me a while back why I was "impatient with imperfection." I have mulled that question over quite a bit for the last few months, and this is the conclusion I have come to: I'm not. My goal for myself, my family, and for those around me that God brings across my path is not perfection, but rather continuous improvement.

12 Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, 14 I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 3:12-15

I can't even begin to count how many times I was certain some idea I had or some advice I gave was right on target only to find out later that I was completely off base. I have said more stupid, insensitive things than there are seconds in a day. But one thing I know and one thing I do: I know that, by God's grace, I am more Christlike today than I was 6 months ago, and by God's grace, I continually put my past mistakes behind me and press on towards the goal of being conformed to the image of Christ.

So the question remains, when I encourage others to do the same, to not be satisfied with where they are but to press on towards the goal, why does it come across as being "impatient with imperfection"? I ask this because, while this pastor was off in diagnosing my intent, he was spot on in identifying a very common response.

I am sure that some of that has been my methods. I am continually evaluating my interactions with others against the goal of gentleness. But I am also convinced that part of the "you're just demanding perfection" response is raging against a message that is pervasive in scripture: 

While God loved us enough to save us as we were, 

He also loves us enough not to leave us as we are. 

Being conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29) is a difficult and often painful process, and when God uses a brother or sister to highlight an area that needs to be addressed, sometimes it is just easier to condemn the messenger rather than consider the message. And for some, that may be because they condemn themselves for not having reached the goal already instead of rightly evaluating incremental growth that God has likely already produced. Jesus said that when a vine starts producing fruit, rather than just leaving it alone, He cuts off unnecessary parts to produce even more fruit. (John 15:2)

I used to be in a small group with a husband and wife team (J & N) several years ago. They are wonderfully giving and caring people. One phrase N used quite often to describe persistent difficult interactions with certain people is that these individuals were "sandpaper people" for her. It's a great way to look at those interactions. They may be rough, but if we are willing, God uses them to sand off the rough edges on us, scraping away our dead flesh so that the living light of Christ can shine through us.

When you encounter those individuals that take the time to exhort you to greater Christ-likeness, I urge you not to just see someone highlighting your faults. And I especially urge you not to slay the messenger. Rather, take the time to consider the message. Maybe it really is time to take another step down the path, to sprout a new leaf or produce a new tomato bud. Don't let satan condemn you in your flesh, for there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Instead, lay hold of the promise that God will complete what He started in you (Philippians 1:6). And I bet that, somewhere along the way, He's going to use a little sandpaper to do it.

Iron sharpens iron,

So one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17 (NASB)